Day 8 P3 163.3 -.04

Yeaaaa!! Its Friday finally!! Have been really busy all week and I have a wine party tonight that I am really looking forward to!! I have been trying to be extra good the last few day's knowing that I will be drinking and hope to not have to big of a gain etc.. fortunately the last couple day's i have gotten my weight back down to almost a pound under my ldw of 164.1. I think it is a good idea to prepare a bit for things like that and we will see what happens over the weekend!

I forgot to mention that last night they gave us some bread with chili sauce at the restaurant we met at and I did eat a small small piece very slowly to not attract undue attention on the akwardness of not eating it etc.. but ordered mushroom appitizer in cream sauce with cheese and it was good.. was totally kosher within phase 3 guidelines for sure! I did have a great big 21 oz hefeweisen? (not sure how to spell it) and was pleased that today i didn't gain.. I think though that i am prob not eating as much as I should be... just afraid im going to gain too much etc..

Well this weekend should be very enlightening weight wise and also date wise....LOL will keep you posted!! Wish me luck!!

Day 7 P3 163.7 -1.6 lbs

Hey everyone... yea!! Sorry trying to catch up for a couple of day's here quickly.. I did a quasi steak day yesterday by eating mostly spoon roast for lunch and dinner yesterday with an apple and also some raw cauliflower, and tomato with ranch dressing. It seemed to work great even so.. especially with that kind of loss. Feeling extremely good about it now for sure!!!

It has been a hectic few days and today I went on a date!! Yes indeed, I jumped right back in and had been talking to a few people now for a couple of weeks online and agreed to meet for coffee. This gentleman was a really nice and genuine guy and we will definately go out again... not sure if there is the right chemestry there but if nothing else.. hopefully develop into a good friendship and we will see. Im not going to be hasty and rule anything out... And I have a date for coffee Sat as well to meet another guy whom I have conversed with. Should be interesting...

Im just happy to have been able to get the guts to get out there again... and I wont lie... I was nervous as heck all day.... what to say, how it would go.... etc.. etc.. you know how it is when you meet for the first time.

Well still doing great on phase three.. this is soooo much more liveable than phase 2!! I find myself filling up alot faster and being happier eating smaller amounts more frequently... seems to be working well!!

Day 6 P3 165.3 +.04

Wow, slight increase but still within my 2 lbs up or down.. feeling good... sorry haven't posted in a couple of days.. but will post the next couple days also.

Day 5 P3 164.8 -.03

Yea! Well happy to report a slight loss.. hopefully wont get too far off track... had leftover roast today for lunch and dinner and raw vegi's with creamy pesto dip in the afternoon...
This wont be a long one.. im extremely tired and going to bed, however wanted to share a couple of things really quick... i mentioned that it was nice to show losing the weight in the spots that i tend to keep it.. (for me the stomach area)... well the couple of pounds that i have gained i can feel right there and even tell a difference.. interesting how that works..

On the lighter note, I decided to go get a tanning pass today and went tanning for the first time in years.. I usually dont do it or support that because i know how much it prematurely ages your skin... however i feel that I want to look my best and it will be a great confidence booster for me right now to have a bit of color in my summer attire.. Also went shopping today and picked out some cute shirts and a pair of capri's which i needed because my others were a size 16. The new ones are a size 12 yea!! I also went outside my comfort zone and bought two dresses... one is hot pink and prob makes me look like a flamingo.... however I thought it looked good and at least as my daughter said I dont have to worry about getting hit by a car while wearing it.... haha.. and the other was kind of a slinky black dress that would be perfect for a nice dinner somewhere not too fancy but wanting to look good. I am feeling that there just may be some opportunities to try them out...

For me this was all about trying new things... and getting outside of the box i have been in and not being afraid to reinvent myself or discover who i am depending on the way you look at it!

well have a wonderful night everyone and love and hugs to all!

Day 4 P3 +1.8 165.1

Yes... its true.. I was wondering if Saturday night would catch up with me... and sure enough... holy cow.. well, looks like a pretty significant gain... if I am basing this on my weight at my lowest dose weight of 164.1 then it looks like I am still within my two pounds ... up or down and that has wildly fluctuated from 162-165 within a few days.. looks like I see a steak day in my future. So I wish I was feeling better today but having challenges with my teenagers... anyhow.. looks like I will prob be stopping at the store on my way home tommorow for steak... i already have a roast in the oven for tonight. Anyhow... boy I do have to mention I brought leftover taco salid for lunch today and wow was i stuffed, like seriously.. i think i also need to look at portions a bit more carefully because i know for a fact i ate way too much at lunch today.. that may also be part of the gain.... prob having too much too fast.. anyhow.. will keep you posted on my weight.

Day 3 Phase 3 +.03 163.3lbs

Wow!! Can I just say that today I am LOVING phase 3!!! I have to tell you what I am eating today because I am soooo excited!! Earlier I made a delicious omelette with green peppers and onions with melted cheese on top. I also made some fresh guacamole, and salsa and topped with sour cream... and a piece of extra crispy bacon!! OMG !! I was in heaven!! Seriously it was sooo yummy!! Tonight I am eating taco salid which is ground beef , seasoned over lettuce with some cheddar cheese, salsa, sour cream and more of that yummy guacamole!! Wow, who knew food could taste soooo good! I have always been a bread/ carb lover and I am so suprised that i am not missing it more!! Im sorry for those of you on the vlcd right now, I don't want to make anyone hungry but hopefully will give you something to look forward to right?

So last night I went out with some friends to play pool and stuck with the protocol outside of the fact that I probbably drank my weight in beer... but it was such a blast!! We had a wonderful time and I got to see some friends and aquaintences (sp?) that I haven't seen in months and everyone commented on how great I look and my weight loss!! It felt soooooooo wonderful!!!
I even stood strong on the way home when my friends drove through McDonalds for burgers.... I have to admit my mouth was watering for sure and they smelled soooo goood!! I didn't give in though so I am proud of myself for that. I know I prob shouldn't have had so much beer, but as far as the weight gain this morning it wasn't too significant. I will watch tomorrow to see if it jumps up significantly or not.. I seem to be able to drink alcohol and not have it affect me too badly so far... anyhow.. at the weigh in this morning I am still about 3/4 lbs from my lowest dose weight thus far so I am feeling good! I am definately realizing that the protein part is very important.. my diet typically before this was mostly from pasta, breads, and other carbs with a bit of meat or cheese etc.. so this is very different. I am just feeling really great overall and feel so much better about myself too! The pants I wore last night I used to barely be able to uncomfortably squeeze into and they were as comfortable as my larger size pairs.. which was really thrilling! I have the extra weight in my stomach area when i gain and it feels so good to have a much flatter stomach!! Yea!!! Well going strong and hope you are as well!!!

Day 2 Phase 3 +.09

Well this morning I woke up and had a gain of almost a pound.. but again due to my loss of almost two lbs i am not too worried about it.. I am going to keep eating according to plan and I had half and half in my coffee!! It was wonderfull!! I am looking forward to being able to enjoy more foods and even though I can't have carbs/sugar it isnt too bad as far as me craving them...
I am excited to stick with the protocol and will keep you posted on my weight for the up and downs.. I need to watch carefully to make sure that I dont gain too much..

I have a question though.. I know that i am suppose to stick within 2 lbs of my lowest weight.. but my question is is that weight the one on tuesday which was my first day of not dosing,. ? Weight that day was 164.1.... or do i go by my lowest weight so far which after that 2 lb drop overnight from thurs to fri was 162.1? Not sure exactly which weight I base that on?? Any recomendations? also.. and interesting note.. I lost 3 3/4 inches off my waist... wow I think that is pretty significant... !!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!! Sending everyone love and positive thoughts for reaching our goals!

P3 Day 1 - 1.9 lbs

Wow, this was a huge suprise to me... I mean really i lost almost 2 lbs overnight... so I was really excited! Today I went shopping and bought some premade chicken salid, immitation crab salid, and half and half for my morning coffee!! Today i bought a bunch of other stuff to make for meals etc.. like taco salid stuff and chicken, a roast etc.. and vegis to go with... cauliflower, broccoli and avacados to make some guacamole... this is going to be soooo much easier to stick with for sure!!

Tonight I had chicken salid, crab salid, cucumber and then later in the evening i made cream cheese stuffed bacon wrapped jalipenos and had 4 halfs... can you say yummmy!!!!

Day 23 P2 VLCD +.03

Ok so I am up a bit, but this was expected, and i am not discouraged. Since I stopped dosing Monday morning this is my last vlcd and officially I start Phase 3 tommorow! Yeaaa!

Emotional ups and downs

Ok, well I realized that i havent posted much about what has been happening the last bit or so with me emotionally so i grabbed the laptop, and my heating pad and climbed into bed... btw.. i started that TOM today... (hmm.. wonder how much that plays in to the cravings and food binges last night.) Its raining today which i love if you are with your partner and can snuggle up and enjoy it , but the rainy days have been really tough on me for the last year since my husband left to pursue the affair he had going with his secertary... (long story that one.. better for another time.. )

So I went to Old Navy yesterday with my daughter who needed a t-shirt for a project at school and while I was there decided to pick up a couple of new shirts myself. I took them in the dressing room and tried them on.. and you know what.. I absolutely HATE trying on clothes, clothes shopping in general and most especially dressing rooms.. uuugh.. when I look at myself in the mirror at home I can see definate progress and feel good about the results from the weight loss but I swear, the mirrors and the lighting in most dressing rooms always make me walk out of there feeling like Shrek... so as i was thinking about last night.. i wonder how much of that feeling combined in my decision to have a few drinks and a quesadilla? Coincidence? I think not... I have realized without the numbing effects of food and alcohol over the last few weeks that I need to find good/positive ways to help myself feel better and to deal with lonliness, stress and rejection.

I should mention because i cant remember if I did before that I signed up on a free singles web site for dating a couple of weeks ago and it has been good for the most part and kept me distracted which has helped a lot! So I have been communicating online with a number of different guys and have had 5 of them give me their number and want to talk on the phone. Well I have been terrified to do that because naturally if that were to happen and go well they would likely suggest meeting for dinner etc... which would have been terribly akward while on the vlcd phase 2. So anyhow.. i have pretty much avoided that thus far with a couple of exceptions. The first was a guy who chatted with me back and forth for a good week and we seemed to really hit it off well. I got his number and called him last Sunday and we spoke briefly for the first and probbably last time.. We had discussed the important stuff prior to talking on the phone like honesty, integrity, infidelity etc.. well anynow.. the first thing he said to me was... well I know this may sound a bit odd but I need to share this with you,. and he said he grew up in a small town about 2 hours south of here and that is where his family and kids live. What he didnt tell me until our phone conversation is that he still lives in the same house as his exwife when he goes down there !!!! What??? He said they are still friends etc and he is trying to sell the house and move up here and that it is kind of wierd but thats what they are doing... Red flags anyone....!!!! Yeah I thought so too... and with my history of my exhusband cheating on me I figured that this was the last situation I needed to be involved with..... so the rest of the weekend i was thinking about it and thinking about how some people believe you have to learn the lesson from the life experiences that you have so that you dont have to keep repeating the same lessons over and over and continue drawing or manefesting the same circumstances into your life etc.. and it made me think... so what part of this do i need to get, heal etc.. so that I am not attracting this kind of bs into my life and or another person without integrity...? Im still working on figuring that one out.. anyhow.. I know its a long post but one more thing i have noticed is that when i think about meeting these new people for the first time, sometimes i feel excited and have a positive attitude thinking that if we click thats great and if we dont, then its not meant to be etc... and then the negitive thoughts or side of that leave me thinking that there are so many skinny, cute, young, single girls out there.. that there is no way i can compete and how is anyone going to be able to overlook the fact that i am still a good 40 lbs or so overweight and have a bunch of stretch marks and an apron of skin.. which gets more pronounced as i loose weight.. so it leaves me feeling very inadequite and depressed. Dont get me wrong, I know I have some fantastic qualities but in this superficial world sometimes its all about the chemestry and attraction and weight etc.. sooo... theres where im at emotionally.... will keep you posted.

Day 22 P2 vlcd -.02

Ok so apparently the quesadilla and beer oh and chocolate didnt have a chance to add much overnight... i am waiting for tommorow to see what the scale says,...

So I got up and though i was soooo tempted to put creamer in my coffee this morning and just try and get away with it.. i didn't do it!! Sticking to protocol today and so far so good... but again..
if I didn't express this enough... I am sooo frickin hungry right now i feel like i could eat a horse or mabye an elephant and still not feel full... right now it feels like i havent eaten in a month.... Crazy!! Has anyone else experienced this insatiable hunger when weaning off the hcg?

Doing my best to be kind to myself and not look at this as an all or nothing free for all.. cant throw the baby out with the bathwater so to speak. I have made great progress and overall to date and down 17.1 lbs.. and feel that even though i have slipped up this has been a success for me so far! I am also learing that if in my real life I slip up or overdoo.. that by cutting back for a few meals, or days depending will help me to hopefully maintain the results i am looking for! I think that is why Dr Simeons recomends the steak day!

Well hope you all are healthy and happy!! Sending much love~

Day 21 P2 vlcd -.06

Ok so I have to say that I stopped dosing yesterday (mon) in order to give the hcg enough time to work out of my system by friday. I know i cut it a day short , but i figured that would give me a chance to perhaps be clear of the hcg and mabye go out this weekend! (like on a date).. but we will see!!

So tuesday without the hcg in my system... HOLY COW!! I had NOOOO idea that I would be this ravenously HUNGRY!! Boy oh boy, if I thought I was a bit hungry before.. i had no idea!!
So stuck with the protocol perfectly vlcd Sat, Sun, and Monday and even Tues right until I got home from work .. all the way smelling the fries and chicken nuggets that i picked up for the kids.... ya i know.. crazy huh.. so I broke down again and had a few drinks and thought to myself.. well there is no fat in those and hopefully they wont be too bad.. but alas the next thing i know i am making a cheese quesadilla (again) and eating some chocolate bunny candies that my kids had from easter... and still ravenously hungry!! I did stop at this point though and went to bed... it could have been sooo much worse ... believe me... so I text my friend last night and told her that apparently i have no willpower or something... i think its the difference in the hcg/vs no hcg and let me tell you... i know without a doubt there is no way I would have been able to do this diet this long if it hadn't been for the hcg curbing my appitite.. which i didn't fully realize by how much until tuesday.. but anyhow... sigh.. plan is to forgive myself and not go hog wild and again try to stick with the vlcd for another 2 days when i can start adding in the extras!

Day 20 P2 Vlcd -1.1lbs

Wow, I was even suprised by this loss yeaaaaa!! very excited! Since I havent posted in a couple of days going to briefly post this and the last few day to catch up!

Day 19 P2 vlcd / +1.6

Well, have stuck with the protocol today and yesterday and hope that I can continue to tough it out until phase 3. I think the next phase will be so much easier to manage.. really looking forward to it. Not too discouraged even with the gains this morning. I was anticipating some from my slip up friday night.

forgiving myself and just trying to hang tough. It has been a really melancoly day for me.. kids are at their dads this weekend and its been really quiet here. I am sure if I wasn't on the protocol I would be cooking and eating something and or drinking as well, so its interesting to feel the emotions of anxiety, being lonely and feeling it all without masking it behind food or drink.

I really appreciate all of your support and comments. Thank you so much! Hope you are all doing well!

Day 18 P2 -.06 / Broke Protocol...

Ok, so here it is the confession... Yup I broke protocol last night, had a bottle of wine with a friend and continued with rum and diet after... also had 2 , yes not one but two cheese quesadillas. I have to admit it was soooo goood, but now I guess I will see how this affects my loss or gain? When I weighed in this morning it was only 6 hrs or so after i ate etc.. so we will see.. anyhow.. I am back on today, black coffee and just ate lunch keeping with the protocol. Will be having friends over tonight but i will be good and stick to black coffee and tea.

Well I will keep posting and we will see what happens.... I am glad that i havent just thrown in the towell and said to heck with it.. hopefull that over the next couple dosing days and the 3 following with the vlcd will be enough before phase 3 to not loose too much ground....

OMG is it only day 16..P2..-0.1

Ok guys, seriously i am on such a rollercoaster right now... talk about hormonal etc.. and challenging... wow... after feeling so positve and encouraged yesterday today is the opposite!
I lost 0.1 lb, which i typically dont let bother me too much but when I looked at the losses since monday i have lost a total of LESS than one lb... due to the fluctuations.. and I am totally not cheating a hair!!! I have followed this exactly!!

Its been a tough day today for sure, long tiresome irritating day at work and all i could think about it how bad would it really be to have some wine.. forget the pizza.. just the wine.. then i remembered that it would be better to have a shot of vodka instead if i was going to cheat.. so all afternoon i was fantasizing about squezing a lemon in a glass of water with a shot of vodka and sweeting with stevia... voila.. almost had myself talked into it... then a friend of mine said dont do it.. you know if you do you will have 2 drinks or more and then say why not tommorow night too.... uuugh she is right.. that is one of the patterns i have been trying to inturupt with this is to not have a couple of cocktails or wine every night... its been really hard!! I realized today that I have been feeling some anxiety because i went on a personals site and created a profile which has generated some interest and im very excited by that... however what i have realized is that even though i feel and look better I am afraid of the judgement or criticism that my potential date will feel about my body. (this stems back to my exhusband who was very judgemental, cruel and emotionally abusive.) Anyhow... its funny how no matter how good I feel those vulnerabilities still come up... i think that was one of my triggers.... anxiety and fear.. etc.. I havent caved today and although i was seriosly tettering for a bit.. im going to do my best to stick this out!! One more week to go! Thank you everyone for all of your support!! sorry to be such a downer today.. but this is harder than i could have ever dreamed it would be, physically, emotionally and in every way possible!!

Today is Day 15 P2 -.5

Well, after the up and down over the last couple days with no real losses until this morning when gladly I saw I was down a half a pound!! I am really hungry today and was yesterday also, dont know if or how thats related or not... anyhow.. just trying to stick it out and hang in there. I have another week of dosing and then 3 more days of vlcd... I am anticipating food so much I hope I dont go overboard too much!!

I have to say when I got up this morning I actually did feel thinner.. particularly under my chin and on my lower abdomen... a few of my friends at work have commented that they are starting to see a difference.. it keeps me motivated!! Sometimes I wonder why in the world i decided to torture myself like this and at other times I cant wait to do another round to loose more.. I am thinking in the fall.. who knows though,. right not i am just trying to maintain for the moment!

Sounds like everyone is kind of in a funk..best wishes and much love and support to you all!!

Yes it is Monday Day 13 P2 vlcd +.2

Ok, well so this morning I was not down, however I am going to stay on track and keep going! I spent a few hours last night when I got home from the store cutting all of the fat off of some beef that I purchased and after weighing put in the food processor with the ground up melba toast to make my own meatballs that are within the protocol! Once I season the beef with spices I use a minature ice cream/ cookie scoop to portion the meatballs exactly alike. Then into a baking dish they go in a 350 degree oven for about 45 minutes with the homade italian / tomato sauce. I cut up an equal ammount of tomatoes to the portions of meat that i measured, season with italian herbs, garlic etc and cook that sauce down for an hour or so. It gets poured over the meatballs and they bake in the oven together. I then seperate the meatballs (usually about 4 or so) into a tupperware and divide the sauce evenly and voila..... so far hands down the best thing i have come up with to eat on this diet!! I freeze the remaining portions and it makes into an easy and quick lunch... for anyone that hasnt tried this or that likes italian I would highly reccomend it!!

So the countdown is on... Last night I also went through every single recipie in my betty crocker cookbook to discern what i can come up with to eat in phase 3 that will be yummy and delicious!! I have to say that out of everything the things i am most looking forward to in Phase 3 ,.. Guacamole / w vegis or a spoon... which ever is handy... Blue cheese chip dip / w vegis , My Cream Cheese stuffed Bacon wrapped Jalipeno peppers.. YUM! Deviled eggs, and last but not least stuffed mushrooms!! By the way... if you didnt notice I love food, the smell, the thought, preparing, and eating it!! Yes I am definately a "Foodie" and love to cook!!

If anyone has any great recipies for things they have found or love for phase 2 or 3 please feel free to share! I would love any and all suggestions !!

Emotionally I am going great today... planning a girls weekend in Park City in May for my birthday and staying focused on good concious choices... i also did something outside the box today which was to visit the "dog park" near my home!! It was alot of fun and I will definately be back! Not to mention that one of the patrons who was there struck up a conversation with me for a few mintues.... (Just between us, I am thinking this may be a great way to meet guys... and more importantly those who love dogs and care about theirs enough to take them out!! )

Hope everyone has a great night!!

ps, I dreamed I had cream in my coffee last night..... funny, i have dreamed about food the last two days in a row... LOL

Yea! I am still on track!!

Good Morning!! Day 12 P2 vcld

Ok, so I have to say that Yes, I can be an idiot sometimes... LOL especially first thing in the morning before coffee!! I have been kind of discouraged over the weekend due to the minimal losses that I have had over the few days... ! Well.... here is what happened! I have weighed in the same t-shirt and jammie pants every time up until a couple of days ago... so when i figured this out and weighed in this morning i had indeed lost .4 lbs overnight yea!! However the few days before that were minimal losses .2 and .3 which was sooooo discouraging... uuugh.. but when i weighed in with the same pants and t-shirt i had been before as it turns out i went from 168.8 on Wednesday to 165.9 today average loss right around a half pound each day!! Yipeeee!!!!

I am soooo excited by the prospect that mabye,.. just mabye I can break into the high 150's!! OMG that would be sooooo fabulous!! I haven't seen that weight range in sooooo many years !! I have 9 more day's to go with the hcg and the 3 extra on vlcd for a total of 12 more... and so its entirely possible that if I continue with a half pound average that I could actually get there!!!

This is sooo exciting!! I can do this!! I will do this for myself and break out of the bad habbits that I have developed and fallen back on for so long!! I am feeling like this weekend has really been a breakthrough for me and I am mentally and emotionally making a concious choice to get out of my comfort zone and make the changes in my life that I have needed to for some time!

Mentally and emotionally right now I am letting go of my co-dependant ex husband, my extra weight and my self defeating behaviours that I have clung to for security and a temporary feel good fix!! I am realizing that ultimately my choices regarding these things have held me back so much and kept me afraid, insecure, and while it sounds dramatic inprisioned in a life that isnt where I want to be!!

I have to say that this so far has really been an extrodinary process and who knew that this would be so enlightening and such a mental and emotional challenge as well!!

Well much love, weight loss and positive thoughts and wishes to everyone!!

P.S. I dreamed that I ate Doritoes last night.... Haha!!

My First Post! Day 11 Phase 2 vlcd first timer!

Hello there!

I am starting this blog at the suggestion of a good friend of mine who has been on the Hcg journey and had had amazing results! We have talked and she has shared with me that as you go through the process of losing weight physically that it is also wise to deal with the emotional issues that come up as well!

I knew that when I started this journey with the decision to try the hcg diet that it was due to needing a change in my life as well as a pattern interupt for myself. I have a hard time accepting change and yet despite my unwillingness towards it my life in the last year has been full of changes and realizations. Many of which I feel are unfolding now and will continue to on this journey to find myself and peace.

To start some quick facts.. I have been carrying around extra weight now for the last 16 years since my first pregnancy. I used to (in teens) by 120-125 lbs or so which for my frame is a size 4-6. Since having my first child, I have had an average weight of around 160 which equals a size 14 or so. When I started this protocol a couple of weeks ago, I was 175 lbs with an after loading weight peaking at 181. That is what I am chosing to measure my total losses from.

To date I have lost a total of 13.5 lbs total.

I am starting this blog in hopes to help me find out more about myself and also the extra baggage i have been carrying around for so long! Please bear with me as I share and write and forgive my errors with grammar, spelling and such. This is a first for me!!

Soooooo.. I thought i was doing just find right up until yesterday afternoon and ALLLLL I could think about was pizza and a full bottle of red wine that i have at home!!! I am telling you.. i called 3 friends, did research online and even had my kids chime in that I should stick with this before I finally accepted that I wasnt going to cheat!! Wow... (when i get something in my head its hard to shake...LOL) What I have realized today after some thought and pondering is that I am not feeling comfortable right now.. and that my desire yesterday was more for something self soothing to make me "temporarily " feel good than it was for anything else. I also realized that this is one of the patterns that I need to break in order to be healthy, emotionally, physically and spiritually reconnect with myself! I have for far to long chosen the safety of routine, the path of least resistance and tolerated way to much from those that were closest to me. I am going to discover what Healthy is in the full sense of the word!

Well as i said, new to this so I apoligize for the long post!! Here we goooooo!! =)