Ok guys, seriously i am on such a rollercoaster right now... talk about hormonal etc.. and challenging... wow... after feeling so positve and encouraged yesterday today is the opposite!
I lost 0.1 lb, which i typically dont let bother me too much but when I looked at the losses since monday i have lost a total of LESS than one lb... due to the fluctuations.. and I am totally not cheating a hair!!! I have followed this exactly!!
Its been a tough day today for sure, long tiresome irritating day at work and all i could think about it how bad would it really be to have some wine.. forget the pizza.. just the wine.. then i remembered that it would be better to have a shot of vodka instead if i was going to cheat.. so all afternoon i was fantasizing about squezing a lemon in a glass of water with a shot of vodka and sweeting with stevia... voila.. almost had myself talked into it... then a friend of mine said dont do it.. you know if you do you will have 2 drinks or more and then say why not tommorow night too.... uuugh she is right.. that is one of the patterns i have been trying to inturupt with this is to not have a couple of cocktails or wine every night... its been really hard!! I realized today that I have been feeling some anxiety because i went on a personals site and created a profile which has generated some interest and im very excited by that... however what i have realized is that even though i feel and look better I am afraid of the judgement or criticism that my potential date will feel about my body. (this stems back to my exhusband who was very judgemental, cruel and emotionally abusive.) Anyhow... its funny how no matter how good I feel those vulnerabilities still come up... i think that was one of my triggers.... anxiety and fear.. etc.. I havent caved today and although i was seriosly tettering for a bit.. im going to do my best to stick this out!! One more week to go! Thank you everyone for all of your support!! sorry to be such a downer today.. but this is harder than i could have ever dreamed it would be, physically, emotionally and in every way possible!!
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I'm so glad you toughed it out, and made it through. That's the beauty of having this blog- there's ALWAYS someone else out there who's been through the same thing & understands. Be gentle with yourself, you're healing. It sounds like you've been through a rough patch emotionally, and need some time to recover.
ReplyDeleteI am here to tell you that you CAN put those feelings of anxiety & fear behind you. I was once engaged to a man who actually told me to my face that seeing me naked disgusted him (among other emotionally abusive things). Thankfully, we broke up. However, I was single for many, many years because I was afraid and thought others would feel the same way. Happily, I met a wonderful, loving man who thinks I look beautiful at 238lbs (at our wedding) or 189lbs(now and losing) or whatever weight I am at.
I can tell from your picture that you are a beautiful young woman. You will meet someone who will be able to appreciate your outer AND inner beauty!
Stick it out- its only a few more days, and the feeling you will have when you've accomplished this round will help build your confidence. I promise you!
*HUG* I couldn't possibly put it better than what LavenderDiva said. Be kind and patient with yourself! It's not much longer. You CAN do this!!
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